Talk four.
Szczecin, 18th November
- Are we flying to Bangkok first?
- Yes, we are. From Berlin to London, and then to Bangkok.
- Do you want me to talk to Seth and ask him to meet us at the airport?
- Sure. If he wants to. I’m going to ask him to find us a hotel in the centre.
- As last year, you want to live in the centre, in Silom, don’t you?
- Don’t tell me that you don’t care where we’ll be staying. Everything is so close from there, and first of all to the vibrating with gay life Soi 4 street!
- Not only that street.
- You know, I like going to same places for a second time
- Is there any particular reason?
- No. The point is in feeling some peace of mind when I know what is awaiting me and I don’t have to stress myself out with organizing a stay in an unknown environment. Besides, it’s nice to see places I like for the second time. As well as the friends I might have in those places.
- Do you consider Seth as our friend?
- Are you trying to provoke me with this question?
- I have no such intention. I would like to clarify our relationship with him before we meet him for the second time.
- Let’s start from the moment you met him. Do you want to talk about it?
- Yes, I do. It can tell a little bit how it comes to those meetings with some chosen people while we travel.
- Are there going to be any spicy details?
- It depends what questions you are going to ask me.
- What made you chat and then skype with people in the Net?
- A need of meeting people like me.
- But why are you still doing it while in a relationship with me?
- You are asking this question as if you didn’t know why.
- I may not know everything and maybe it could be good to talk about it.
- Let’s talk.
- We’d agreed that there was a natural need in meeting other gay people, talking to them, finding out how they function in their societies, in their environment.
- In Poland and abroad as well we feel that we don’t get enough of such company. It may be called a need of “being among their own people”. Don’t you think?
- Yes, I do. Which platform do you choose for such contacts?
- PlanetRomeo works best. The people who use the site call it Romek very often.
- Who initiates the contacts? You or the other party?
- In most of the cases it’s the other party. Especially in the case of Asians. They are extremely interested in meeting white people. It’s just with them I have the least of a problem in starting a chat.
- What is „a profile” and what elements it can/should contain?
- The profile is a sort of a sub-site of a bigger service where, apart of a photo of yours or a whole gallery of them, you could put personal data such as your looks, interests, and characteristics of a person you are looking for and you’d like to come to a contact with.
- Who do you exclude at the beginning, and who do you start chatting with?
- Very many people use the sites to look for sex partners: single or multiple stands (a steady partner but without any commitment).There also are people who are looking for life partners to share problems and joys of life. I eradicate such people right away.
- Do you also read between the lines?
- You can read a lot about a person described in those spaces but sometimes you need to exchange some e-mails or sentences on a local mobile phone text system to get to know more.
- Why don’t you give some examples of the expressions you start such contacts with?
- I can’t believe you have no idea what it can look like. In practice a hundred percent of the chats start with “Hi. How’s things? How are you doing? What are you up to? or Hi, I’m looking for…”
- How long do you sustain the contacts?
- Which contacts? The talks stick or they don’t. Until both parties are interested in each other, they ask questions about different aspects of life, they keep corresponding. In the end, the question is asked whether we really want to meet in real life or such question is never asked if the parties realize that they have nothing in common. Such exchange may last from some days to some months.
- When does the final selection take place?
- When there is an opportunity of meeting each other and both parties show common interest, and on the way there were no complains, kicks or dramas. When there is some enthusiasm and willingness to go on. When a given person is reconciled with themselves and can function normally in life. In such contacts I’m looking for people who are able to inspire, talk on interesting subjects, and ask questions. In case the other party talks about any obstacle or problem, I’d give it a rest. I’ve got enough of problems of my own. Sometimes there comes up someone with a serious problem in the emotional or financial areas, and the correspondence becomes interesting, so I get the impression that I should go on with it. Then we write to one another a bit longer. I do my best and try to prompt some solutions. But lately I’ve realized that I should not make such suggestions because they may turn against me.
- What is that all for?
- For getting to know people, for satisfying my curiosity about other men.
- Do you think that a majority of gay men use this way of getting in touch with the outside world?
- No, I wouldn’t say that they are the majority. Surely they are a big part but not all. There are men who miss closeness of other gays. They surround themselves with women, heterosexual men, and naturally they associate with them every day, but there are moments when they would like to sit down with another gay and talk about completely other matters.
- Does age have anything to do here?
- I lied a bit in my profile that it doesn’t, but it does. Quite often are those significantly adult men in their heterosexual marriages. They are serious gentlemen who watch television with their slippers on. Poland is not a country with a habit of going out for a coffee or beer. On the other hand people under twenty five years of age are still not polished with life sufficiently enough to know what they are looking for and where they are going to, and that’s why such contacts end up quickly despite earlier correspondence which was quite nice.
- Do all of them expect personal contacts?
- A majority.
- Can you tell the number of those who do this specifically for finding sex partners.
- What’s that? Some research paper? It’s enough to dig in any university materials to find a masters or PhD thesis, he, he. The subject will be much better approached there. From my experience I can tell that they are over 70%.
- From your quite rich experience, he, he.
- Again you are mocking me.
- No. I don’t have such an intention. What do you tell them about yourself and about us?
- The truth. So I don’t have to contrive what to say in the following chats. I tell them that we’ve been a couple for this many years...
- For quite many years.
- …, that we’ve got possibilities and opportunities to participate in a variety of life activities. The cinema, theatre, tourism, joint trips, these are the things which interest us. That we are open to new ideas as well.
- What is the most common response to the information and offer?
- Positive. The problem is in financial adjustment.
- How many of them, in percent, are ready to meet us?
- It’s a strange question to ask. After that „qualifying” of them, which you asked about earlier, those who are left would like to meet us. So, they are 100%.
- I remember our first meeting Seth when he came to our hotel. Who was more nervous, us or him?
- I gather, he was. He was alone, we were two of us.
- And Moth? What do you think, why a twenty-four pretty Moth would like to meet us?
- You’re asking as if you didn’t remember when he was telling us about his passion – the English language, and his interest in exposing himself to the challenge of using it. I know him too little, as you know our meetings were not too inspiring to tell us more about him.
- We might be back later on at the subject.
