Talk thirty six.
Pheonix, 02nd March
- Although it was only a three-hour flight from Mexico, I got tired because I’m bored with all flying. And now the airport again! Again in Pheonix, Arizona!
- With regret I said good-bye to Mexico after a five days’ stay in the capital. The city is overwhelming, tiring, and fascinating at the same time. It’s very hard to describe it, because it is so different from all other metropolis.
- First of all, with a huge noise. And it's not just the traffic noise and the horns that attack your ears. It’s the screaming music coming out from each store or business. I cannot understand how the employees and local residents can put up with the constant bang.
- The music was too loud for you? Are you getting old? Almost all shopkeepers and street vendors (and there are hundreds of thousands of them) loudly call for buying their goods. On the underground trains, vendors of CDs, toys and other low-value gadgets play their loud music and scream at the top of their lungs to outshout the noise of a speeding train.
- I must admit that the metro in the capital city is very well organized, reaches for most districts, including the airport, and is very clean and safe. Why the metro is safe, is worth talking about, too.
- The farewell visit to the Zócalo square was to help us save the memories of the city. There’s always so much going on! All strikes, occupations and protests make the crowds of people gather at the place. It’s there where Palacio Nacional[4] (the National Palace) is situated. In addition to the historic halls of the reign of the Spaniards there are Diego Rivera’s[5] murals there - one of the greatest artists of this art. It is worth noting that Riviera was married to Frida Khalo[6].
- It’s time to tell why tourist can feel safe in Mexico City. Throughout the city, a dozen different police forces are supported in strategic locations by the military. Everywhere, but everywhere, heavily armed bodyguards are present. At each intersection at least four police officers direct the traffic. In the streets, quite regularly, you can see pick-up vans with four to six ready to fire officers on the back of the car which is flashing coloured lights.
- Fortunately, all this does not apply to an average tourist. Up to the point. The police men and women are polite, smile and provide assistance and information. Unpleasant moments come when you want to enter any institution, an important museum or even a church. You become a potential threat. And then begins the real control, similar to that at airports. It's just that those armed law officers do not make a good impression on you. Oh, well. Not like it? You don’t have to fly, travel, sightsee, visit. In general it’s better not to tease the beast …
- It’s true what you said earlier: you can see there a huge militarization of the state.
- The presence of the police at every turn (in defense of democracy?) does not bring charm to this country, but it does not spoil its authentic beauty, anyway.
- I don’t think potential tourist should be discouraged and they should go to Mexico where the security of tourists is higher than in some European countries.
- I could be coming to Mexico each year.
- Me too. Yet, there is so much to see.
- Probably a few more guys to know.
- It was not fair of you.
- Don’t be so sensitive.
- I’m not, but I was a little hypersensitive when I began my work at PROGRESS.
- But before that happened, a lot had happened between you and me after our returning from Sweden.
- You really want to strip it down to prime factors, don’t you?.
- Perhaps more like gathering it all up.
- Shortly after the Sweden trip you suggested we go to Warszawa.
- There was a lot of sightseeing and fun. Especially, a late night at the disco Paradise. It seemed to me that we were having fun and that you especially were enjoying the time with me.
- And it was so. And that's what I thought so. But something in my mind kept telling me that I still wasn’t free from the feelings that were still deep down in me.
- In the morning I saw that you reached for your mobile phone. You checked the text messages. Who from? After such an evening with me? I made you confess: "I do not love you. There’s nothing in me that would allow us to build something in common ... ". We left Warszawa. We didn’t exchange a word with each other all the way to Gorzów. Strangely, I did not kill myself on the way from Gorzów to Szczecin. I completely couldn’t control my reactions. At home I saw that you’d left your passport in Szczecin.
- With the passport which you sent to me, there was a letter. Sad and joyful at the same time. I grabbed the phone.
- Wait a minute. Let me quote some fragments of the letter dated 21st January 2000:
(…) I hope you’ll read the letter peacefully and it won’t hurt your feelings. I would also like this letter not to cause annoyance or impatience in you: “Jacek again!”… Holding your passport in my hand I couldn’t imagine, I’d send it to you without a word. After that NIGHTMARISH journey from Warszawa my emotions are now falling down, memories are fading, and peace is coming back to my heart.
(…) I’ m even able to smile following your instructions in a text message. What’s more, I am trying to be nice to my staff pretending that everything with me is fine.
Whatever was said in Wraszawa and on our way home in the car, let it become history of our lives and let it stay there as our experience which we both will be able to make use of in the future.
You are in the midst of your own issues and problems that keep you busy, so I shouldn’t be taking more of your time.
You already know what you want and what you are waiting for. I really want the best for you. I hope I’ve already proved it. The best prove was that I took your surprising decision as the right one, good for you, although difficult and irrevocable for me. And what about me? May I share with you what I feel now?
You said that you wanted me to keep good memories. I'll work on this. I know it's worth it. I know you're a much better man than you think about yourself. I want to believe that what happened was just coincidental and caused by my (?) loss of control over the events. We all make mistakes, but not all us are prepared to admit to. You are.
Believe me, it was not you who hurt me. Once again it was my fate and my life. And this time they did not treat me any better than ever before. I’ve been living with them for years and they toughen my heart. Strangely, it hasn’t fossilized yet and is able and wants to love. Do I still have a chance to be loved by someone? I'm afraid (...)
You must be aware that I was in a big shock which I had to deal with and try not to kill myself at the nearest tree. Were you a little worried whether I’d get home alive? If you weren’t – stop reading this letter now. Because it would mean that the only emotion you felt then, was a relief with getting rid of me.
If it’s otherwise, then I’d suggest we have a particular kind of contact - telephone conversations in which we could develop our friendship and prove to ourselves that we are civilized people. I’d already offered you the friendship when I first told you about my feelings, and you had doubts whether you could ever love me. With all responsibility, I am willing to participate in your life as you need it, without burdening you with my feelings. I want to assure you that there are quite exceptional and friendly people around you. And it doesn’t happen too often. Friendship with me also means friendship with a group of good people. As far you know me, you should understand what my word is worth, and what I write doesn’t have a double meaning. I respect myself too much.
Our conversations would allow us to maintain contact with each other without any obligation, and I could prove to myself that you didn’t need me only for a short while only. And not just for one purpose. Anyway, I firmly believe that we have a lot to offer each other without having to think about the consequences and joint plans. (...)
I’ll ask you just for one thing: Do not ignore the letter or disregard me. Let me know. I think that after those two intense weeks together, we deserve good, quiet friendship. I believe that we will not regret it. If, however, you do not need such friendship with me, please tell me openly. (...)
[1] Palacio Nacional Mexico
[2] Diego Rivera
[3] Frida Khalo
[4] Palacio Nacional Mexico
[5] Diego Rivera
[6] Frida Khalo
